What to Say to Someone Having an Anxiety Attack
Pedro Gómez, a mental health nurse, explains why "calm down" often makes the crisis worse and which phrases actually help.
An anxiety attack doesn't give a clear warning. The person going through it rarely recognizes it for what it is. Pedro Gómez, a nurse specializing in mental health, explained to La Vanguardia that the person may believe they are having a heart attack.
Gómez shares mental health content on social media, is about to finish his studies in Psychology, and wrote the book No me digas que me tranquilice ("Don't Tell Me to Calm Down"), published by Zenith. His starting point is uncomfortable: the words we say to help often make the crisis worse.
The order that fuels the fire
The example he uses comes from school. Remember when a classmate did something funny and the teacher warned everyone not to laugh. You knew you weren't supposed to laugh, but you held it in, and the order only made things worse.
«These are words that show calm, not words that demand calm.»
Gómez argues that telling someone to calm down in the middle of an attack works the same way: the emotion is at its peak, and denying it pushes it harder. As he told La Vanguardia, it is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Other phrases seem harmless and make the same mistake: "calm down," "it's nothing," "I've been through this too." They compare situations without knowing how the other person experiences theirs. The message they receive is that what they feel doesn't count.
With "time heals everything," the problem isn't the content but the timing: said in the middle of a crisis, it doesn't comfort.
What you can say
The alternative he proposes isn't a speech. It's presence. Being there, not leaving, offering whatever is within reach. Gómez distinguishes between understanding what someone feels and making that emotion your own: the second helps no one. The first lets you adapt and accompany without catching the panic.
His specific phrases go along those lines. He told La Vanguardia: "I'm here, I'm with you. You're not going to be alone in this process. We're going to breathe together, no rush." They are words that show calm, not words that demand calm. And they communicate something the person needs to hear: this will pass.
When you're alone with the crisis
If no one is nearby, those same messages work inward. The first step is to name what is happening: it's an anxiety attack, not a heart attack. Gómez explains that the rational mind fights against what the body feels, and reminding yourself that the arousal is temporary helps it come down.
None of these tools replaces professional care. If the attacks keep happening or interfere with school and work, it's a good idea to talk to a trusted adult, a health professional, or your pastor. In an emergency, call the emergency services in your country; at findahelpline.com you can find the helpline that works where you live.
Faith doesn't ask us to ignore the body, but to bring our anguish to God honestly. Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV) says: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
It isn't a reproach to the one who is trembling: it's an invitation to put before God what hurts and to receive a peace that doesn't depend on having everything figured out. The psalmist says it even more simply: "Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved" (Psalm 55:22, ESV).
Praying and asking for help aren't in competition. This week you can do two concrete things: save the phrases that do help on your phone, and ask someone how they're doing, without rushing them to feel okay. Who could you walk alongside today without telling them "calm down"?
